


Just Two

by Avistella



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:38:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avistella/pseuds/Avistella
Summary: Zen seems rather excited about having kids with you, but you don't share the sentiment and don't know how to tell him.





	Just Two

You were starting to grow apprehensive. It didn't really seem to register in your mind at the time when your boyfriend made an offhanded comment about children in general. It was completely harmless, and you figured it was more just him talking to himself rather than him making a not so subtle suggestion to you, but you started to pick up on the cues.

The comments about children seemed to become much more frequent, and he even started asking vague and general questions as to what you thought about them. Your answers came out just as vague as his own words and perhaps even evasive, but by that point, you already knew what Zen was trying to hint at. He wanted to have kids of his own, and although you were flattered that the actor would want to raise a family with you, the idea made you extremely uncomfortable.

It wasn't like kids in general or the idea of trying to conceive or adopt with Zen was unpleasant, per se, but rather, you just...didn't want kids. You had your own reasons for it, but even so, you couldn't bring yourself to say them out loud. At least, not to Zen whose eyes seemed to twinkle every time he brought the subject up. He was so enthusiastic and passionate with the idea whenever he talked about it, but you couldn't find yourself feeling the same, and you lacked the heart to shoot it down.

Of course you and Zen had differing opinions on other things before, having been in a relationship with each other for quite some time now, but this was different. This was _important_ , and it made your heart drop to the pit of your stomach, your chest clenching painfully with the storm raging in your mind. You knew that you had to tell Zen soon rather than build up his hopes, but _what if_? What if he leaves you as soon as he finds out that you can't— _don't want to_ —give him what he wants? ...No, you didn't think Zen to be that kind of person, but even if you had faith in him and the love the two of you shared...

_Aren't you taking one of his dreams away?_ Won't you be the reason for his disappointment when he discovers the truth? You love him with all your heart, but you can't force yourself to do something that you don't want to do. As important as Zen may be in your life, you still have a certain sense of respect for yourself and aren't willing to just ignore your own feelings either for the sake of someone else.

There's no simple resolution or compromise that you can come up with to this predicament of yours. All you can do is simply sit down with Zen and have a serious and honest discussion about this, hoping for the best that the two of you can come to some sort of agreement without having to sacrifice your relationship.

* * *

Tonight, the actor is feeling particularly restless, his lips fluttering around your skin, his hands stroking your hips in gentle and loving motions, but his ministrations seem more distracted than usual. It's like his mind is elsewhere, wanting to say something but unable to form the words. It gives rise to concern, and you gently take your lover's face into your hands.

The pads of your thumbs stroke his cheek as you ask, "Zen? What's wrong?"

His lips rise to a small smile, but it doesn't seem to reach his eyes. He decides to drop the act, his expression falling as he moves to sit on the bed with you following after him. There's a heavy tension in the air, and you reach out to take the young man's hand into your own for comfort, waiting for him to gather the courage to speak.

"There's something I want to ask you," he finally speaks up, and your heart almost stops beating in your chest for a second. With all the clues he's been dropping as of late, you already have an idea as to what his question could be.

Nevertheless, you swallow down the anxiety forming in the back of your throat and nod your head, gesturing for him to continue. "What is it?"

"How do you feel about having kids?"

_Ah, there it is._ You press your lips together, your heart practically breaking inside you when you see the hopeful glint in the actor's eyes. You can't bring yourself to continue looking at them, bowing your head low as you squeeze his hand by a fraction. Seconds of silence tick by, but to you, they feel like hours as you try to force yourself to get the words out of your mouth.

"I-I'm sorry, but I... I don't want them." You squeeze your eyes tight the moment you finish talking, your shoulders rising in tension and nervousness.

"I see," you hear the young man breathe out, and it pains you to hear the dejected tone in his voice that he tries to hide. "Is it okay if I ask why?"

You at least owe him that much, so you answer with your own reasons. You've explained these reasons to others and often got mixed responses. Some were respectful towards your decision, while some couldn't seem to wrap their mind around it and even tried to force their ideals on you, attempting to convince you to change your mind. It was annoying, in honesty. Sometimes, you can't help but wonder if you're being unreasonable and the like before the better part of yourself tells you that it's _important to you_ , so no, you aren't in the wrong.

When you finally finish with your explanation, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders, your mind feeling much lighter now that you're no longer letting your uncertainties fester. Now, all you have to do is wait for Zen's own response, and your stomach jumps with heightened nerves. You find yourself holding your breath.

"I understand," the actor answers, and your eyes widen.

"Y-You're not angry?"

Zen smiles softly, reaching out with his free hand to caress your cheek. "Of course not. Why would I be angry? It's your life, so why wouldn't I respect your decision to do what you want with it?"

Relief washes over you, and the overwhelming emotions that you've been keeping bottled up sting at your eyes as you lean in closer to your lover's touch. "But don't you want kids? You sounded like you really wanted them."

A hint of sadness makes its way to the young man's smile as he nods his head. "I do, but my love for you is greater than my desire for kids. I don't want to force you nor do I want to leave you because of this. I can live with this decision as long as you're by my side."

By now, you can't hold back your tears anymore, and they fall from your eyes with abandon. You feel relieved, and it almost seems like you were worrying over nothing. Zen pulls you towards his chest as you hiccup, your mind and heart feeling so much more at ease. The actor strokes the back of your head in smoothing motions, murmuring apologies about how he didn't realize the heavy burden he placed on you, but it's alright now. _Everything's alright._

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to try something different and challenge myself by writing something that I can't relate to. I've always liked the idea of being a mother, so I'm hoping that I was able to at least somewhat capture the plight of someone who doesn't want kids.  
> You can find more of my works on [my Tumblr](http://avistella.tumblr.com/).


End file.
